Day 40 Post-Op: All Green Lights, Ready to Fly, and Thank You, Yoga

Yesterday was my six week post-op appointment, and I walked out of it with all green lights.

My CT scan showed great fusion happening, which was exactly what I’d hoped to hear. Then came the part I didn’t see coming: my restrictions have been lifted. WHAT?! I had to ask what that really meant, what I can actually do now, and the doctor’s answer was simple. Anything my body allows me to do, as long as I listen to it. Once Matt & I picked our jaws up off the floor, I walked out feeling like I could fly.

It’s hard to describe what it feels like to set down something you’ve been carrying for three years. The pain was physical, but it was mental and emotional too. There were moments I felt hopeless, when I didn’t know if I could handle it or where to turn, when it felt like it would never end. One question followed me everywhere: what am I going to do?

And now it’s gone. The physical pain, the mental load, all of it. Every day I feel a little better than the day before, and every day I find myself in awe of the miracle that has happened inside my body.

I have so many people to thank for this outcome, but there’s one thing I have to thank above all else, and that’s yoga.

Through all those years of pain, I held on fiercely to my daily practice. I even practiced the morning of my surgery, at a 6 a.m. hot class in Boulder, before going home to pack my hospital bag. Hot yoga is like air to me, even though it feels like you can’t breathe, and I walked out of that room feeling good and energized. I can’t think of a better way to have gone in.

All those years on the mat strengthened everything around my degenerating spine. I’ve been mostly still for six weeks now, and yet I feel strong and ready for anything. That’s the practice, still working for me.

But yoga gave me so much more than physical strength. In its most literal definition, yoga is the union of body, mind and spirit, and that union is what gave me peace through this entire experience. I leaned on everything I’ve learned from years of studying and practicing. In the month before surgery, whenever fear crept in, I’d ask myself one question. What if this were me, in this exact body, a century ago? The answer was never good. Instead, I get to live in a time of incredible medicine and knowledge, and coming back to that thought brought me peace again and again.

Yoga has carried me through so many seasons of my life, saving me time and time again. And this season, coming out on the other side of surgery, feels especially bright. I’m full of hope and enthusiasm for what comes next.

To our Five Parks Yoga community, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every letter and card, every package and beautiful handmade gift, every email has supported me in ways I can’t even describe. I see you, and I’m so thankful for you. We truly are a gift to one another.

More to come. Dare I say we might film in Costa Rica this month?? Fingers crossed.